… the physical? or the emotional?
“Going the distance” is a movie about two characters in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), acted out by Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The movie expresses the complications in having the need for a balance between work and personal life in any relationship. On top of that it also portrays the even greater difficulty of maintaining one that is long-distanced in nature.
Let’s face it, for many of us, the amount of time spent with someone determines the progression of the relationship. For the few amongst us, time is hardly the essence; it’s the already binding bond that keeps the relationship going even without the quantity. But the emotional minefield that such a relationship entails isn’t for most. So my advice for the majority of us out there? Keep your chat windows open and phones close-by because we’re probably not made to endure the Barrymore-Long relationship.
It is undeniable that the notion of a LDR has been around through the ages. The idea of the working father having to travel to the city to look for a job, leaving his wife and children at home is an oh-too-familiar tale. To be honest, little has changed… LDR, will always be here as a lingering and necessary, ‘relationship taboo’. However, like Barrymore and Long, we are perhaps blessed to be alive and kicking in today’s world where opportunities for communication are bountiful. (A luxury that the ‘working father‘ does not have) No longer are we impeded by the snails of the yesteryears. No longer would we have to wait for letter that has been lost in the mail. Tools like Skype and Facebook has enabled the majority of us to function as per normal in any relationship, including LDR. Even the iPhone 4 has the function of video call on-the-go and this has allowed us to maintain a certain sense of visual intimacy with whoever it’s intended for, no matter how far that person is.
Though technology has enabled easier access to our loved ones – those designed to bring people closer – long distanced relationships will always be a tricky one to handle. Though technology has helped by creating visual intimacy, one should know that it will forever be a lesser brother to the sentiments that are evoked through physical intimacy. Personally, minute details in a person’s body language may be overlooked when one employs such technology. The inability of one to fully portray one’s emotions and sentiments through an email or a text message (as compared to face-to-face communication) might well be the source of many miscommunications and arguments… leading to perhaps, relationship endings.
So it’s time to be true to yourself… do you think that you are up for LDRs? Is time and physical intimacy of the essence? Or are you comfortable and contented with the two-dimensional webcam-ed image? Undeniably, technology does make our lives better. But at the end of the day, having the person beside you, talking to you face-to-face, triumphs over all that comm-tech has to offer… This is my take… what’s yours?
Jeremy's Blog 
Well, in my opinion, the dominant issue of a LDR is most definitely trust. How one person acts in front of a webcam or in an online chat does not mean that that is how he or she is in the real life. Like what KamLin has mentioned before, many people even give false information and adopt personas online. So, what’s to say that your other half is telling the truth? I believe that only with very strong faith and trust in the person can the couple then remain happily connected despite being physically apart.
These technological advances, though made to allow us to be more connected to each other, in fact bring us further apart. For example, birthday wishes can now be expressed through a mere facebook comment? Occassional online chatting can replace having to meet up? The society is changing, for better or for worse is for different people to interpret differently..
I agree with what you say..but to a certain extent, people will just take what they see for what you are. Likewise if we have an avatar, we may also choose to remain ourselves so that we do not confuse ourselves as to whom we act differently and whom we remain truthful, it all too confusing.
Technological advances has now indeed already replaced social norms and mannerisms. In the past, lunch/dinner time at the table was a peaceful time for catching up and yet now we are unable to do without our mobile phones ringing and messages coming in. Also with the number of applications available, people now revert to messaging rather than a face to face conversation, its more like the human nature is regressing than advancing.
Hi five Jeremy! Same post! This shows that this movie is indeed worth watching. Ha!
Anyway, in my opinion I feel that long distance relationship is kind of hard to work out because ultimately we need some physical contact or rather emotional assurance to know that my partner is there. Using skype or whatever technology has to offered is just not enough. Nothing beats being with your loved one. Separation is a cruel thing. Well, at least to me.
However, if theres really no choice then that’s another story all over. If you truely love someone, nothing can be undone. Love transcends all boundaries. Thus, no matter how far one may seem, you know that you only love that one.
i will never survive a LDR, as im sooo lazy to go on skype all these and chat and stuffs. i prefer face to face communication and being able to experience physical touch with the person. if its like 6 months exchange, stuffs like that, i still can tolerate it i guess, but for long? nahh!
I agree with you wholeheartedly. Despite the convenience and benefits made available to us through the advance of technology, they are a poor substitute for physical contact. At best, they are merely a supplement.
The sense of touch as a tool of affection is inherent in human nature. Between a parent and a child, between lovers, between friends, a hugging emoticon does not replicate the actual sensation of being hugged.
Actions speak louder than words after all.
i think it really depends on the duration of the separation and how strong the relationship of the couple is. if it’s in the starting stage of a relationship, i doubt the relationship will ever survive before one of them boards the return flight. however, if it’s already a strong relationship, i believe that it would have the potential to survive the separation. the duration of the separation is also another issue. it would really speak volumes if the one of them were to be away for a long time without coming back to visit (think the US soldiers in Afghanistan) and yet still have an intact relationship. or not. in most cases, LDRs usually crumble once time sets in. it all depends on what kind of person you’re in a relationship with.
I think LDR will not last long. I guess people are naive in believing that they can multi-task can do many things. Being in a LDR requires a lot of mutual trust and patience, furthermore feeling lonely without the other half would only make you feel less secure. So what makes you think that technology can help in boosting the chances? We all know how people can cheat and fake certain stuff, i guess there’s no difference.
Web-cams can be situated to only video a certain part of the room and avoid the rest, telephones can be switched off and claimed to be faulty. I don’t mean to be a wet blanket, but i just think its quite difficult to live in a fairytale. Sooner or later, i believe the relationship will just crumble.
Hello Jeremy, I think that what you brought up is very relevant to the people of this generation. With the world ‘growing smaller’, many people are caught in this relationship taboo (LDR), as companies dispatch their workers into bases out of town. I wouldn’t be too quick to put off the idea neither would preach that it will be like a normal relationship. I guess it all depends on the individuals involved, the strength of the love, the level of commitment, and probably the most important of all, trust. So it’s basically up to you to decide if you’re able to take it. Personally, I will be able to do it, if I truly believe that I have found the right person.
I have to agree with you that technology has become so advanced that more often than not, physical distance is being reduced by comm-tech like Skype and Facebook. However, until technology is able to mimic and deliver something to the likes of physical intimacy, many will still sit LDR out.
Hi Jeremy,
firstly, all my respect and admiration for people in Long Distance Relationships. It is, I feel so difficult to maintain. ‘So near, yet so far’.
Anyways, a ‘normal’ relationship is already hard and tiring to maintain (hahaha) so yeap, huge huge admiration for those in LDRs.
I’ve watched the movie and I think that as with all things, it all boils down to the individual. What obstacles are so difficult to overcome, what trials and tribulations are too tedious to be overlooked if only one looks past these and focus on the partner- the relationship, long distance or not.
A LDR can be like a test. I think if a couple can ‘survive’ being apart (especially half way round the world), their relationship should not have any huge problems in the near future because there is high levels of trust, and commitment.
Hi!
Although I am not foreign to the idea of long distance relationships, I personally find it difficult to truly understand how people involved in such relationships “survive”. By “survive”, I am trying to say that I find it really admirable, but at the same time I find it difficult to understand how they manage such a relationship. We may be able to see and talk to one another through video conferencing, but the “touch” aspect is absent. Isn’t having one’s partner by his/her side extremely important? I guess it all depends on each individual’s requirements and expectations towards a relationship.
Indeed, technology has remarkably changed the way people communicate. Gone were the days when people carry around phone books and rely solely on phones and snail mails as their main forms of communication.
Technology, is said to have shrunk the world. Or has it? Granted, we are now updated on our friends’ daily activities as we follow them on tweeter or facebook. Video calls are cheaper and more common as compared to years ago. In a way, technology has helped us stay connected to our families and friends, regardless of the geographical boundaries.
However, the human elements are now missing in the communications as more and more choose to interact over the Internet. I agree that the physical presence of yesterdays can never be replaced by technology in communication. The warmth and company one gets from face to face interaction is something I enjoy. Personally, I do not think technology will replace the traditional way of communication.
Lol, I will never be able to survive an LDR, I mean, the commitment is simply to great! Besides I’m not a very trusting person to begin with. I agree that this isn’t everyone’s slice of pie, cup of tea or however you want to put it. Although I’ll never be an advocate of LDR, I still participate in tech-comm stuff. It’s interesting to note how we rely on technology for almost all aspects of communications. Gone are the days of Austen when people have to squeeze in as many words as possible into a single piece of paper just to save postage money. With the internet and emails and online communication tools (skype), distance has to be re-measured. It’s really no longer the actual distance people are apart but that emotional distance that actually matters now.
In a long distance relationship, trust is an important factor as it strengthens the relationship. With advance technology, couples are still able to communicate and update each other about their daily activities etc. but there is an extent to which the relationship can progress. The sense of touch (I.e holding hands, hugging) gives one a sense of comfort and secure feeling which generally strengthens the relationship. Many LDRs are lacking of this aspect, hence many are afraid to step into LDRs as they feel lost without this aspect. In my opinion, it takes a lot of courage and determination to maintain a LDR. There will be a point in the relationship where either party will start to feel lonely or may question the trust that they have for each other due to the fact that they are so far away from each other. This is the crucial period whereby it may break or make the relationship.
LDR is made up of trust and responsibility, IMO.
trust because you do believe in fidelity even when physical boundaries are obstacles towards relational development.
responsibility in the sense that our actions depict our morals and values. and that we are accountable for actions.
can’t say much here, because i plainly do not believe in LDR due to unfavourable experiences with this before
i definitely agree with your take. yes, technology has made it easier to maintain contact and connect, but it is with people you already know! how real can it get if you do not meet the person? texts are merely words that can be candy-wrapped and tossed around. having the person around you, sensing their body language, talking and looking them in the eyes? it brings people closer and it is something that you cannot do over the phone, or through online means.
Hi I feel that LDRs are not for me. As a person who needs constant novelty to keep me interested, I’m afraid that I’m not one who is up for expressing affections by staring at my laptop screen. While technology is improved such that communication is made much easier than before, it is undeniable that humans crave the physical touch of assurance and security. However, I must admit that people who are able to sustain steady LDRs are indeed admirable. Kudos to them.
Frankly, LDRs requires a lot of courage from both parties. Personally, I do not like the idea of it, probably I’m quite a timid and insecure person. There are a lot of things that both have to overcome. For example, the lack of communication. Although you mentioned that there are improved communication tools, however, all these still lack one thing – physical touch. I think its all the hugs that makes a relationship going. Afterall, it is human for us to yearn for the touch by people we love like our parents and friends. I think in LDRs, there must be a high level of trust and no lies at all.
i think emotional distance is always more painful than physical distance.
whats embedded deep within out souls are the things that haunt us the most!